I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
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my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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