Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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