i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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