well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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