my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
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Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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