shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize