How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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