It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize