my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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