Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I won the penis lottery.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize