You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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