12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
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I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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