I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
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I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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