You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
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I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
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I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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