Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize