Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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