Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize