its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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