Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
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Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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