I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize