just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
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my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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