Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize