she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
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Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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