home. puking in laundry basket.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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