it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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