Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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