Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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