Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
actually, I'm a sock model
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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