evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
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Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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