you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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