I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
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I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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