someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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