I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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