i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
why is half of my head shaved?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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