I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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