i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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