I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
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