insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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