yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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