i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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