Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize