How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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