Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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