I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
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Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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