I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize