sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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