My sheets look like a crime scene.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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