So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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