Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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