How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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